Wednesday
Jan142015

New Years Resolutions

Welcome to 2015.  Can you believe we are nearly through the first month of the new year already?  I'm having a hard time wrapping my head around the fact that we are almost half way through another decade!  So, I hear a lot of opinions on new years resolutions.  Some are all for them and some are totally against them.  Here's my perspective.  If resolutions get you motivated to make positive changes in your life.....I'm all for it.  I personally, really like the idea of a new year and new goals.  My memory isn't all that great sometimes and often I have a hard time discerning when something occurred.  I love to start new goals at the beginning of the year so I can acurately tell when I began them.

Often times people feel pressure to start new goals.  Let me just say that having a goal is a great idea no matter what time of the year it is.  The most important part of starting a new goal, at any point in the year, is to have a system of reinforcements so that you continue to be motivated as time moves along.  This year my family and I are doing "the family jar".   We bought a cool jar and each time something memorable happens we write it down and put it in the jar.  I haven't figured out what works for my family on when we will review the jars contents yet, maybe at the end of the year.  Its a great way to acknowledge the gratitude for the blessings in our lives and a fun way to relive some good memories.

Whatever your goal is remember to keep up the motivation.  Some great ways to do that are to have a partner, friend, family member, co-worker or whoever help keep you accountable.  If your goal is to hit the gym 3 times a week, work out with a partner (PS it also makes working out more fun!), if your goal is to save more money, check out some of the charts Ive seen floating around on weekly saving plans or use a free app tool on your phone to do some budgeting.  The key to follow through with goals is to have them well planned.  Google can be a great resource to helping you plan ways to achieve goals.

So, whatever it is you want to work on.......plan it out, set your intention and get some support to get you help you reach your goal.  With some good planning and determination, nothing is impossible!

Tuesday
Oct142014

Couples dealing with the loss of a child

I get asked, time and time again by people working through the loss of a child about differences in the way men and women grieve.  Now, let's first acknowledge that there are no absolutes.  Some fathers will be much more open and apparent in their display of grief, while some mothers will be more reserved and show less emotion.  First and foremost it is important to say that no matter what way a person grieves, the grief is real, painful and at times overwhelming.  Just because someone doesn't cry, or you dont see them cry, doesn't mean that they aren't in extreme amounts of pain.

Loss, whether it be a child or anyone else of importance in life, takes  huge emotional toll.  It can change lives, cause lasting depression and shift relationships.  The loss of a child can be particularly difficult on couples.  There are several reasons for this.  One, partners often differ in how they grieve.  Men typically feel the need to "be strong" for their partners, thus not showing the emotion that they are feeling.  In turn, women may feel that they didn't care as much about the child, or the loss, as they do.  I see and hear this dynamic often.  For some couples this can create a wave of resentment.  The resentment can lead to communication issues, arguments and sometimes even divorce.  It is important for couples working through loss to communicate with each other about their feelings.  It is even more important for couples to stay away from assuming how the other person feels, or what a lack of emotion or an abudance of emotion means.  It is also important for each partner to stop and acknowledge that their partner is hurting too, but may not be showing it in the same way.

I often see and hear couples say things like "well he never cries or talks about the baby so I assume that he just forgot or no longer cares".  This is often the furthest thing from the truth, but like I always say emotion ALWAYS dominates logic, every single time.  Or "I feel like she never stops crying and I don't understand why she blames herself, even the doctor said she couldn't have done anything to prevent our loss".  Many women blame themselves for the loss of their child.  Even women who KNOW that the loss isn't their fault.  Its a natural part of the process of grief.  We like to have our "why" questions answered, even if it means blaming ourselves.

The loss of a child, or any grief, is often complicated and painful.  If you and your partner feel like you have gotten off track or are heading down a bad road due to loss, counseling can help.  Seek out a qualified counselor who treats couples and treats grief.  The sooner the better to help you both understand how to cope....together!

Monday
Oct132014

10 ways to honor a child that has died

http://stillstandingmag.com/2014/10/10-ways-honor-friends-child-died-october/?utm_source=feedblitz&utm_medium=FeedBlitzRss&utm_campaign=stillstandingmagazine

Wednesday
Oct082014

Do you feel the holiday blues?

Fall is here!  Along with pumpkin spice lattes and sweaters come the holidays and family gatherings.  So as the song sings "Its the most wonderful time of the year" right?  RIGHT?  Well the real answer is 'not always'.  The holidays, for many people are a time where depression and anxiety are at an all time high.  Crowds of people at the stores, commitments to family gatherings, financial concerns, and many other factors often leave people feeling overwhelmed and depressed.  Often times the holidays kick grief into high gear as well.  What can you do?  One thing I encourage people to do is have an air-tight self-care routine.  Taking care of yourself during the holiday season is essential to holiday survival.  Counseling can be a great step in the direction of self-care and getting through the holiday blues.  You can find great therapists at www.psychologytoday.com or any other therapist listing.  Don't hesitate to call.  Don't let the holiday season feeling like you got run over by Santa's sleigh, call today!

Tuesday
Oct072014

International Wave of Light coming up Oct 15th at 7 pm